As I’ve said in my about area, I’m not a meat eater. I’m a vegetarian. Not because I love animals, want to really save the environment, or whatever, it’s all just for reasons related to my persnickety digestion. Towards the time when I switched to fully abstaining from meat and seafood, I didn’t eat much meat anyway so it really wasn’t that much of a difference becoming a full-fledged vegetarian.

Which brings us to now, almost two years without meat. I’m not one of those people who substituted meat with, well, meat substitutes. I just eat fruit, vegetables, eggs, and beans for the most part. Some dairy, mostly yogurt. I’m not a fake meat person, but I do like veggie burgers (specifically some form of bean burger.)

So when I heard all this noise about these Beyond Meat burgers, I had to give them a go to see what all the fuss was about.

It claims it is the future of protein. A bold statement. The calorie count is a bit high for my liking. They have two options for cooking: on a grill or over the stove. I chose the stove-top option.

Staring at them in the packaging, they do have an eery resemblance to actual ground meat. The similarity grows as you start cooking them.

Check out that sizzle. The pair of Beyond Meat Veggie Burgers crackled and popped as they hit the hot pan. I let them go for a bit longer than the suggested amounts.

Something about the texture of the edges made me think hash-browns. Look at the browning. Looks like slightly blackened potatoes. I flipped it back and forth multiple times to get an even hue on them.

The result: something that looks almost 100% like an actual burger.

Well. Maybe more like a Turkey Burger, but close enough.

But all that’s just aesthetics. What’s the taste and texture like? Does it evoke meat?

For one, it evokes grease. It was so greasy. I don’t remember good burgers being this…oily. Ugh. I detest oily, greasy foods as a rule as it disagrees with me. This was right in the bad zone and the flavor was….sort of savory? I couldn’t tell over the grease. The texture was sinewy and…definitely meat like.

I guess it is like that of a mediocre burger. Like McDonalds. It doesn’t mirror a good burger and it isn’t even a tasty veggie burger. But, a meat eater, did say it was meat-like and was pleased with the consistency compared to other veggie burgers. But they didn’t like it either for the grease reasons.

That’s why I can’t recommend this product at all. It doesn’t taste good. Yes, it’s probably the most meat-like fake meat burger out there. But in this case, it takes all the bad things about meat and doesn’t bring anything tasty to the table. Keep your normal black bean burgers on hand—they don’t have worthy competition. If you want meat, without the meat, then try it but don’t expect something delicious.